The “split” option offers an alternative to some of the possible drawbacks associated with the “equal and rotational” and the “exclusive” approaches. With the “split” approach, specific holidays are split into two distinct periods, so that the children spend part of the split holiday with each parent rather than being apart from either parent for the entire holiday, as would be the case in either the “equal and rotational” or the “exclusive” approaches.

 “Split” holidays are actually a combination of the “split” option and either the “equal and rotational” option or the “exclusive” option. In the “split/equal and rotational” option, the parents switch the holiday periods every year, whereas in the “split/exclusive” option, each parent has the children for the same holiday period every year.

In a “split/equal and rotational” arrangement, the parent’s agreement might provide:

 Thanksgiving:  Thanksgiving shall be split into two periods. The first period shall be from after school Wednesday until 3:00 p.m. Thanksgiving. The children shall be with the Father in odd years and with the Mother in even years. The second period shall be from 3:00 p.m. Thanksgiving until 6:00 p.m. Friday, at which time the normal parenting schedule shall resume. The children shall be with the Father in even years and with the Mother in odd years.  

In this example, the holiday is “split” into two periods which are shared “equally and rotationally.”  Therefore, the children spend time with each parent during the holiday, but the parents alternate periods each year so that neither parent always gets the period that may be perceived to be “more desirable” than the other, nor is either parent always stuck with the period that may be perceived to be “less desirable” than the other. This option works particularly well when each parent’s extended family traditions are the same. For instance, if both families customarily serve Thanksgiving dinner at noon, then using the “split/equal and rotational” option would allow the parents to spend time with the children at Thanksgiving every year, while making it possible for the children to spend time with each parent for that parent’s extended family traditional dinner in alternate years.

In a “split/exclusive” arrangement, the parent’s agreement might provide:

Thanksgiving:  Thanksgiving shall be split into two periods. The children shall be with the Father for the first period every year, from after school Wednesday until 3:00 p.m. Thanksgiving. The children shall be with the Mother for the second period every year, from 3:00 p.m. Thanksgiving until 6:00 p.m. Friday, at which time the normal parenting schedule shall resume.

In this example, holiday is “split” into two periods, but the children stay “exclusively” with the same parent for the same period each year. This variation of the “split” holiday is especially appropriate if each parent’s family traditions are slightly different. For instance, perhaps the Father’s family traditionally eats Thanksgiving dinner at noon, but the Mother’s family traditionally eats Thanksgiving dinner at 6:00. By assigning “exclusive” periods to each parent (rather than rotating them), the children get to spend time with both parents on the holiday, while also celebrating each parent’s family traditions every year, not just in alternating years. 

Another situation where the “split” option is useful is where there are two very similar holidays, such as Memorial Day and Labor Day. Both of these holidays are on a Monday, and both are national holidays so that there is no school, and many parents have the day off from work. Therefore, when discussing parenting plans with clients, I usually address Memorial Day and Labor Day simultaneously, especially because doing so assures the parents that the children will be with each parent for essentially identical periods.

Using the “split/equal and rotational” option, the children would be with one parent for Memorial Day one year and the children would be with the other parent for Labor Day that same year, and the following year, the children switch the holiday that they spend with each parent. Such an arrangement might provide:

Memorial Day/Labor Day: Memorial Day and  Labor Day shall be split, and shared equally and rotationally, from 6:00 p.m. Sunday until 6:00 p.m. Monday, at which time the normal parenting schedule shall resume. The children shall be with the Father on Memorial Day in odd years and with the Mother in even years. The children shall be with the Father on Labor Day in even years and with the Mother in odd years.

Using the “split/exclusive” option, the children would be with one parent every Memorial Day, and with the other parent every Labor Day, rather than switching the holidays every year. Such an arrangement might state:

Memorial Day/Labor Day: Memorial Day and  Labor Day shall be split, from 6:00 p.m. Sunday until 6:00 p.m. Monday, at which time the normal parenting schedule shall resume. The children shall be with the Father for Memorial Day every year, and the children shall be with the Mother for Labor Day every year, from 3:00 p.m. Thanksgiving until 6:00 p.m. Friday, at which time the normal parenting schedule shall resume.

The “split” option is particularly appropriate for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, because these two holiday periods are so intimately connected by both rituals and timing. This option is even more useful when young children are involved, because each parent usually wants the children to be at his/her house to open their gifts from Santa on Christmas morning. The only way to accommodate the parents’ conflicting wishes is for the parents to  “split” the holiday “equally and rotationally.” Therefore, a “split/equal and rotational” parenting plan might provide:

Christmas Eve/Christmas Day: Christmas Eve and Christmas Day shall be combined as a split holiday to be shared equally and rotationally. In odd years, the children shall be with the Mother from after school (or noon, if there is no school) Christmas Eve  until 10:00 a.m. Christmas Day, and with the Father from 10:00 a.m. Christmas Day until 10:00 a.m. December 26, at which time the normal parenting schedule shall resume. In even years, the children shall be with the Father from after school (or noon, if there is no school) Christmas Eve until 10:00 a.m. Christmas Day, and with the Mother from 10:00 a.m. Christmas Day until 10:00 a.m. December 26, at which time the normal parenting schedule shall resume. 

If the parents have different family traditions, the “split/equal and rotational” option might compromise those different traditions. In many countries, families have their major celebrations on Christmas Eve; Christmas Day is a casual day to rest and unwind from the holiday celebrations.  In many other countries, families have their major celebrations on Christmas Day; Christmas Eve is more relaxed and low-key. Because we are a nation of immigrants, many of these traditions are carried on in this country. The “split/equal and rotational” option downplays these traditions, whereas the “split/exclusive” option preserves those traditions.  Therefore, the “split/exclusive” option might provide:

Christmas Eve/Christmas Day: Christmas Eve and Christmas Day shall be combined as a split holiday. The children shall be with the Mother Christmas Eve every year, starting from after school (or noon, if there is no school) Christmas Eve. In even years, the children shall remain with the Mother  until 10:00 p.m. Christmas Eve; in odd years, the children shall remain with the Mother until 10:00 a.m. Christmas Day. The children shall be with the Father Christmas Day every year. In even years, the children shall be with the Father starting at 10:00 p.m. Christmas Eve; in odd years, the children shall be with the Father starting at 10:00 a.m. Christmas Day. In both even and odd years,  Christmas Day shall end at 8:00 p.m., at which time the normal parenting schedule shall resume.

The primary drawback to the “split” approach is that the children have to switch from one parent to the other, one celebration to the other. It often is stressful and aggravating for the children to have to stop their activities with one parent in order to go with the other parent. Furthermore, if the two families are a significant distance apart, the children will end up spending a lot of time travelling rather than enjoying the holiday. Therefore, the “split” option may not always be the best choice.

Fortunately, divorcing parents have many options when developing their holiday schedule, and by considering family traditions, travel requirements, and other relevant factors, parents can be very creative, in developing a parenting plan that accommodates the divorced family’s unique situation. In my next blog, I will discuss two additional options for holiday parenting plan schedules: “add on” and “fall as it may.”

If you have any questions or comments about this article or my mediation practice, or if you have any issues that you would like me to address in a future blog post, please do not hesitate to contact me at: (860) 674-1788 or rob@ctdmcenter.com